Observing Communication

This week we were asked to observe an adult and child communicating.  Throughout the week, I observed many conversations between adults and children.  Often times, conversations that are very positive or negative catch my attention more and make me reflect on the situation.  Yesterday my family and I were getting in our jeep to go to the store and I noticed my neighbor and children pulling into their driveway.  As I was getting something out of the back of the jeep I could hear the mom yelling at her daughter.  I looked over and saw her 6 year old daughter carrying her backpack and other items trying to open their front door.  It was obvious from what I saw that she was struggling to open the door.  As the daughter was trying to open the door, the mother was walking towards her carrying various bags yelling "McKenna open that door right now."  Mckenna stated "Mom I can't do it."  Mom yelled back "Mckenna knock it off and open that door right now."  Mckenna said back to mom crying, "I can't do it."  Mom pushed Mckenna out of the way and opened the door herself.  She then replied, "You are not going to be doing anything when you get inside.  Go to your room right now."  I noticed that the mom was just getting home from work and bringing the children home from school.  She was more focused on her own needs opposed to her child's needs.  I learned how important it is to look beyond yourself and to be aware of meeting the child's needs.  In this situation, the child was not listened to or seen by the mother.  The mom should have been able to see her daughter struggling to open the door and validated her feelings by saying "I see that you are having a difficult time opening the door, what do you think we should do?"  The mom could have suggested her daughter to set down her bags and then try to open the door.  Being talked down to in that way makes the child feel bad about themselves.  It also breaks the trust between the child and the parent.  The next time a situation like this happens, the child is going to be afraid to ask for help.  If the mom helped her daughter in this situation she would have built her daughter's confidence to problem solve this next time. 

There are no similarities between how this mother communicated with her child and how I communicate with children.  The mom was very aggressive and condescending to her child and was not able to see beyond her own feelings.  I am very aware of children's feelings and understand that each thing we say to children have an impact on them and on ourselves.